1. Cap’n Crunch Atlantic Cod Crunch Berries
2. Olde English 800 Sport malt liquor with electrolytes
3. Lego Postal Rampage playset
4. The McDonald’s McHaggis, turnips, and fries value meal
5. Old Spice Pure Sport scented enema
6. The Capital One Planned Parenthood Abortion Rewards Visa card
7. Clorox Cool Ranch Toilet Cleaner
8. Prune Pepsi Max
9. Taco Bell CrunchWrap de Tripita
10. Smith and Wesson My First .357 Junior Revolver
11. Little Debbie Purim Kreplach cakes with liver
12. Sherwin Williams Your Mother’s a Whore house paint
13. Hawaiian Punch Guava Bacon Crush
14. Jello Pudding Contraceptives

1. Zombie Jesus
2. Zombie Ernest Hemingway
3. Zombie Mama Cass
4. Zombie Jethro Tull
5. Zombie Joey Ramone
6. Zombie Jesse Ventura
7. Zombie Jerry Lewis
8. Zombie Veterinarian
9. Zombie Les Paul
10. Zombie Ayn Rand
11. Zombie Kim Jong Il
12. Zombie Slum Landlord
13. Zombie Transvestite hooker picked up by Eddie Murphy
14. Zombie Illegal immigrant
15. Zombie Midlist genre author
16. Zombie Tax preparation assistant
17. Zombie Hipster taco truck worker
18. Zombie Indian casino blackjack dealer
19. Zombie Pro-Microsoft internet troller
20. Zombie Weatherman
21. Zombie French-Canadian baguette baker
22. Zombie Has-been child actor turned junkie
23. Zombie Build engineer
24. Zombie Incontinent old person
25. Zombie Herpes sufferer riding a mountain bike in a drug commercial
26. Zombie Civil War re-enactor
27. Zombie Cooking show hostess you want to slap but you also want to fuck
28. Zombie Death metal fan who has really long hair but is bald on the top
29. Zombie Wal-Mart greeter
30. Zombie Blind guy who plays accordion on the subway for change
31. Zombie Larry King
32. Zombie High school gym teacher
33. Zombie Al Bundy
34. Zombie Editor at Huffington Post who posts content from other places as if they are new news.
35. Zombie Ruby on Rails developer who talks about how great the ORM model is but doesn’t acknowledge scalability issues.
36. Zombie Used car salesman
37. Zombie Fred Flintstone
38. Zombie Alexander Haig
39. Zombie Eli Whitney with interchangeable parts
40. Zombie Herbalife salesman who posts Zombie “Lose Weight Now/Ask Me How” signs at grocery store.
41. Zombie Tattoo artist
42. Zombie Guy who always insists that autotuning is killing the music industry
43. Zombie Congressional Budget Office Assistant Director of Health and Zombie Services Division
44. Zombie Yoga teacher with really hot ass
45. Zombie Dog show groomer
46. Zombie House painter
47. Zombie David Lee Roth
48. Zombie Left-Handed Setup Pitcher
49. Zombie Alien abduction survivor
50. Zombie Steven Spielberg

(Feel free to use any of these, but please let me know if you write a book or screenplay based on them.)

The following is a list of the top 25 countries that do not have extradition treaties with the United States, ranked by broadband scores (Broadband ranking here, using download speeds only) and indicating if they have a Mercedes dealership.

(Note: Taiwan currently has a treaty underway. I also could not find broadband scores for the four countries with no diplomatic relations with the US or extradition treaties: Iran, Cuba, Bhutan, and North Korea. Bhutan and North Korea also do not have Mercedes dealerships.)

Country	Broadband Rank	Mercedes Dealership?
United Arab Emirates	20	Yes
Andorra	24	No
the Russian Federation	27	Yes
Mongolia	37	Yes
Taiwan	39	Yes
Vietnam	54	Yes
Saudi Arabia	65	Yes
Rwanda	69	No
the Maldives	77	No
Oman	78	Yes
Qatar	79	Yes
China	80	Yes
Montenegro	84	No
Kuwait	87	Yes
Serbia	90	Yes
Mozambique	94	No
Bosnia/Herzegovina	98	Yes
Cape Verde	102	No
Uganda	105	No
Brunei	111	Yes
Armenia	114	Yes
Bahrain	116	Yes
Cambodia	125	Yes
Libya	126	No
Tunisia	127	No

I typically have some windmill I’m chasing, eating all of my spare cycles with google searches.  At some point, there’s going to be some huge lawsuit and google is going to be forced to release all of its search data to people like the way we now buy our credit reports, and I’m going to look back and wonder why I searched for Amiga 500 hardware 48,757 times in mid-2002.  Anyway, here are a bunch of recent brain viruses that are consuming me:

• Is there a way to install track lighting without a ceiling fixture?  I’m looking for some magical system that will either draw power straight from the air in some Tesla-like fashion, or a way to conceal a cord so it runs across the ceiling and down a wall, maybe behind a bookcase.  I don’t know.
• I need to build a kitchen island.  I think Ikea has the cabinets, but I also think they have a $1400 minimum on their engineered stone surfaces.  How do you get that crap built, and am I looking at a twelve-week wait time?   I thought we were in a recession and all of the trade people were dying for work?  If so, why don’t any of them return my phone calls?  And why do I ever need to make a phone call?  Why can’t all of this shit be online?
• Searching for the perfect KVM switch to connect a MacBook Pro (mini-DisplayPort) and a ThinkPad (DisplayPort) to a monitor with DVI input.  It amazes me that it’s 2010 and 90% of the KVM solutions out there are still PS/2 keyboard/mouse and VGA that caps out at like 1280x1024.  That’s like if I went to a local new car dealership and every model still had a hand crank.
• I keep searching eBay for NeXT hardware.  I need to stop doing that.
• How do you repackage a 16-bit InstallShield installer so it works in Windows 7?  Why can’t you just use a 16-bit installer in Windows 7?  I thought the whole deal with Windows was you trade off usability and performance and reliability for the fact that they still need to support decades-old legacy software.  So why does a five-year-old installer crap out on me?  (Yes I tried running it in compatibility mode.)
• Has anyone ever written an online version of Advanced Squad Leader?
• I need to learn Python to use this mythical scripting extension to FrameMaker, but I also fear that said extension won’t be able to script 90% of the application, so maybe I don’t need to learn Python.
• I need to buy/build/find a new entertainment system for the TV.  One that doesn’t look stupidly small with a 17’ ceiling, but that doesn’t cost more than my car.  Maybe the Ikea Besta.
• I also need to find a medicine chest for the downstairs bathroom that doesn’t look like it came out of a mobile home and that isn’t some old country kitchen Paula Deen looking bullshit.
• Didn’t someone make a vertical docking station for the new MacBook Pro or did I hallucinate that?  And not some little metal clippy stand that cost 17 cents to make in China and retails for $79.

That is all.